Unlike his usual norm, Baekhyun’s eyes didn’t flutter against sunlight seeping through windows. With a gentle hand to his shoulder, he woke up to a soft sounding voice attempting to shake him awake in careful back and forth motion. Groaning, he instinctively turned his head against the pillow in the hope that the bothersome intrusion to his sleep cycle would magically disappear, but to his dismay, the action only jostled a chuckle from the one touching him.
“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol sang softly, sitting on the edge of the bed as he peered over the sleeping male. “I know you’d rather sleep in, but breakfast is done.”
His eyelids felt heavy and Baekhyun had no desire to move from his position. Nonetheless, he bit his bottom lip and inhaled. It was hard to move. Part of his fatigue was due to bad sleep, but another part was partially due to the fact that Baekhyun had no desire to face the man easing him awake with his gentle voice and stupid “Breakfast is done” remark.
Feeling a hand touch the back of his neck, Baekhyun’s eyes snapped open and he reached back, gripping Chanyeol by the wrist too harshly. Upon realizing his mistake, he let go and pushed himself up, rubbing his eyes and ignoring the surprised expression given to him.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Baekhyun said in a neutral tone. He looked apologetically at his boyfriend. “Sorry. I’m... moody in the morning.”
Accepting the explanation, Chanyeol laughed, shrugging. “That’s fine. I don’t mind.” He looked over and laid his eyes on the cell phone set on the bedside table on Baekhyun's side. Drawing back, he took his hands away and smiled. “Can we talk after breakfast?”
Watching as Baekhyun slowly sat up, Chanyeol shrugged. “Some things… Do you like orange juice or do you just want water?”
It was too early in the morning to give a thought for his beverage preference. Baekhyun reached over and turned on his cell phone, leaving Chanyeol’s question unanswered for seconds as his eyes watched the device power on. It took a moment to recall the night before and the way he felt with the giant’s unconscious mutters. Baekhyun swallowed, looking up at Chanyeol’s face and meeting his eyes.
“When do you have work?” he asked, dismissing the question about the drinks. Chanyeol blinked, unsure of how to handle his avoidance. Looking away, Baekhyun slowly pushed away the sheets that covered him. “I don’t want to stay too long if you have a schedule.”
Touching Baekhyun’s hand, Chanyeol gave him a look. “You don’t have to seem like you’re such in a hurry to leave… I told you, I don’t have work until this afternoon. It’s only nine-thirty.”
“I’m not in a hurry, Chanyeol. I’m just…” Baekhyun sighed, pulling his hand out from under the male’s touch. “I just don’t want to be in your way any more than I've already been by staying over. You didn’t have to go out of your way to cook breakfast.”
“I wanted to--besides, it’s not uncommon for me to make my own food.” Leaning over, Chanyeol placed a quick kiss on the side of Baekhyun’s cheek. “Come on.”
Nodding, Baekhyun threw his legs over the side of the bed. “Okay…”
Putting a hand on the brunet’s back, Chanyeol helped him stand. His touch was light on Baekhyun’s shoulder, and the smaller male noticed the way he was hesitant to hold on. With his lips tight, Baekhyun made no comment.
They walked up the stairs with Baekhyun being the first to go. Despite the tense air around them, Chanyeol still grinned at the sight of Baekhyun in his old basketball shorts. Playfully, he flicked the latter’s ass only for his hand to be swatted away.
The kitchen was empty. Baekhyun stopped by the doorway, turning his head back to Chanyeol who appeared behind him and swung an arm around his waist. Just as the brunet was about to protest, the giant shushed him. “My parents went to work, so it’s just you and me here.”
Baekhyun hummed, brushing a hand through his hair as Chanyeol led him to the table set for two. “Don’t get any dirty ideas,” he said with a small grin.
“What’s wrong with dirty ideas?”
“It could make you lose a thing or two.”
Pulling a chair out for the brunet, the athlete smirked. “I’d gladly lose a thing or two to you.”
“Not today, not yet,” Baekhyun said, sitting down. His eyes fell on the dishes and pot in front of him. “When did you have time for all of this?”
“I woke up early,” Chanyeol said as if the task was nothing too challenging for him. He took a bowl of rice and placed it nearer to his boyfriend. After placing a plate of fried fish in front of the brunet, he took a bowl and took the lid of the pot off, using the ladle to scoop a serving. “Don’t worry. I tasted everything before putting it all on the table.”
“If you can cook, then I really don’t deserve you.” Picking up his utensils, Baekhyun yawned. He licked his lips, dry and chap. “This looks good, though. I--”
“Baekhyun, can you stop talking like that?”
Blinking, Baekhyun looked up. “Talking like what?”
“Like…” Chanyeol’s lips drew into a thin line. He looked troubled and Baekhyun had no idea why that was. Carefully, the brunet watched him as he turned a seat and sat down facing him. “I don’t want you to talk like I deserve better or that you don’t deserve me, because it just… it just pisses me off, Baek.”
Swallowing, Baekhyun gave him a hard expression. “Okay… Then I’m sorry--”
“No, don’t.” Clasping his hands together, Chanyeol dropped his head down, elbows braced on his knees. “Don’t apologize. I don’t want an apology. I just don’t want to constantly hear you saying we don’t belong together this or I don’t deserve you that. I just want all of you, okay?”
“Chanyeol…” Baekhyun’s appetite was slowly diminishing. His hands dropped back down on the table. “You do have all of--”
“But what about Kyungsoo?” The words were quiet, but Baekhyun still heard. “I saw the texts he sent you, and… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. I… I looked at your messages, I’m sorry but Baek, I just wanted to know.”
“You looked at my messages?”
“Yes, and I’m sorry. I know I--”
It was too early in the goddamn morning. His body ached and his eyelids still felt heavier than hell. His privacy was wrecked, but it wasn’t the fact that Chanyeol invaded it that made him irked; rather, it was the fact that the man saw the messages that infuriate him.
“If you wanted to know something, you should’ve just asked me.”
“And have you avoided it by telling me ‘Oh, it’s nothing’ like you always do?” Sighing, Chanyeol raised his head, leaning back against his seat. He paused, letting the silence live for a brief moment. “What did you mean when you said that you’d always love him?”
Baekhyun’s throat felt dry, but there was nothing to quench the discomfort. His grip on the chopsticks tightened. “I didn’t mean it in the way that you’re thinking of right now,” he said, voice strained. “I don’t love him. I’m not fifty-fifty.”
“But you said--”
“I know what I said, and I’m telling you right now that I don’t love him…” Cursing under his breath, Baekhyun looked away. “I love him like an old memory, Yeol… I’ll always love him because how can I just stop?”
“I don’t know, but you have to stop when you’re in love with someone else, don’t you?” Chanyeol sounded rough. Baekhyun could tell the boy was anxious and irritated by the way his fingers were shaking while attempting to keep calm. “Because it’s not fair to me to know that another guy might still be in the picture.”
“But he’s not in the picture, Chanyeol. Kyungsoo hasn’t been in the picture since--”
“Then what kind of response is ‘I’ll always love you, too’ to someone you used to date!?”
Baekhyun pushed his chair back and stood up. “If you think I’m still in love with him, then fine! Go ahead and think that, but I’ve already told you that the love I have for him isn’t… It’s not like the way I love you.” His eyes drew away from meeting Chanyeol’s. Then his feet took him a step back from the table. Wordlessly, he pivoted on his heels and moved to leave.
Almost immediately, Chanyeol shot out of his own seat and caught the male by the waist just before he left the kitchen; however, the action was not welcomed. Baekhyun tried to pry his fingers off, but found that he was no match for the athlete’s strong hold.
“Let me go, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun muttered, trying to ignore the male’s persistence.
“I didn’t mean for that conversation to go the way it did,” Chanyeol explained, desperation dripping from his voice. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m--”
“I just don’t like it when you talk like you don’t have confidence in us.”
Cursing, Baekhyun wanted to drop down to his knees. He felt weak and guilty. “I said I was sorry--”
“And about those texts…” Inhaling sharply, Chanyeol took a second to gather his thoughts. Baekhyun could feel the boy’s heart racing, fingers shaking with every touch. “I’m sorry… I was just mad that maybe you were in love with him still, and that you were using me to try and get over him--”
Speechless, Baekhyun pushed himself from the athlete’s grasp. The taller male was shocked, but Baekhyun felt no remorse. “You thought that I might’ve been using you?”
“It sounds stupid now, but, Baek, I was--”
“I made you feel this insecure about me?” the brunet asked, pointing a finger to himself.
Chanyeol was quick to deny. “No! Of course not!”
Unwilling to take the defense, Baekhyun shook his head and began walking again, heading toward the stairs. “Wrong, Chanyeol… You’re wrong. I did things that made you feel like I was only giving you half of myself, so don’t try to deny it.”
With his hands gripped by his side, Chanyeol pursued. “Okay! Maybe! Maybe a little bit! But why does that matter? Why does any of that stuff matter!?” He followed the brunet down the stairs with his hand on the railing as he quickly descended down the steps. “Baekhyun, no. Please, can you stop--”
“It matters because it says that I’m a shit boyfriend, Park!” Baekhyun exclaimed, jabbing at himself. He tried hard not to show his anxiety, but it showed like bright neon colors. He stood his ground for a few seconds before walking again in the search of his clothes.
“You aren’t a shit boyfriend!” Chanyeol argued.
“That’s nice of you to insinuate, Chanyeol, but you really do deserve b--”
Fed up, Chanyeol caught up to him and hoisted him in the air, in his arms. Then before Baekhyun had the chance to form a response, the giant threw him on the bed, hovering over him within seconds.
Baekhyun stopped breathing the moment his eyes locked with the basketball player’s above him. He could have crawled away or sat up to avoid the intimate position, but he did neither, opting by default to keep as he was with his back against the mattress.
“Stop saying I deserve better,” Chanyeol warned, his voice low and deep. His eyes pinned Baekhyun’s attention fully on him, and for the first time in their relationship, Baekhyun felt submissive. “I know I deserve someone better. I don’t need you to tell me that.”
The sting was just bearable. Baekhyun’s took the feeling in his chest as it was. “Okay--”
“But I need that someone to be you. I don’t want it to be someone else.” Chanyeol buried his face in the curve of Baekhyun’s neck; his breathing was warm and quick. “Wasn’t there someone who said that you have to be the change you want to see in the world?”
“Yeah…Gandhi.” Lifting his head, Chanyeol’s eyes dragged down from the brunet’s eyes and down to his lips. “You’re not perfect, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting you.”
“That’s where your mistake is,” Baekhyun said in a quiet whisper. “You want what you know isn’t good for you.”
“How do you know what’s good for me when every time you use those lips, it just feels right?” Gently dragging a hand along the brunet’s jawline, Chanyeol sighed. “I’m not saying this because you gave me oral even though that felt right, too--”
“I’m saying it because being with you make everything feel like it’s okay. You make me happy, and I know that must seem strange to you because of how you feel like you’re a terrible boyfriend to me, but… It’s everything else.” Chanyeol grazed the brunet’s plump bottom lip before giving the male a kiss on the side of his jaw. “I guess it is strange, but I can’t help the fact that I’m in love with you… If you think about it, my paranoia about Kyungsoo probably isn’t entirely your fault. I want you so badly, I don’t want deal to with the possibility of ever sharing you.”
Closing his eyes, Baekhyun tried to find his voice. “Chanyeol, I don’t love Kyungsoo, okay? I love him, but it’s not the same…”
“Okay…” Chanyeol whispered, taking an arm and wrapping it around Baekhyun’s body before he rolled them over.
Surprised by their new position, Baekhyun made the attempt to push himself up, but the hand on his back gently persuaded him to stay as they were. “I love you… and it’s the type of love that I’d have for someone I’m willing to date and have sex with.”
Chanyeol gasped. “You can’t take that back. Ever. Especially the last part.”
“Especially the last part,” Baekhyun repeated, scoffing as he felt a large hand reaching down the curve of his ass. “Sorry for ruining your breakfast.”
Biting his lips as his hand dipped under Baekhyun’s shorts, Chanyeol shrugged. Breakfast had become the last thing on his mind, especially with Baekhyun playing along and dipping his back, making it easier for the giant to find his entrance.
Despite the laugh that came out of him, Baekhyun seemed hot. “You shouldn’t be playing with that this early in the morning, Park. We just fought, too.”
“I know, but…” Chanyeol groaned, slipping his other hand in, spreading Baekhyun’s cheeks apart. “Let me just touch it…”
Baekhyun jerked when he felt the athlete’s fingers circled him along his rim before using two to spread his soft muscle in opposite directions, stretching it. He could feel himself beginning to be aroused, but if it was what Chanyeol wanted, then as a concession for the war he had waged, Baekhyun let himself be curiously fingered by the virgin.
Suddenly, Chanyeol took his fore and middle finger together and began to add pressure, rubbing in circular motions against the brunet’s sensitive, tight hole. Baekhyun bucked, instinctively pushing his ass against the boy’s fingers. He moaned before catching himself, then later turned a slight blush of red.
“Okay…” Baekhyun groaned faintly, trying to put a stop to the overhauling sensation despite loving every bit of it. “Okay, okay--Chanyeol, that’s enough--shit, Chanyeol!”
“I want my fingers inside of you,” Chanyeol blurted out, panting. “I want to push your legs back so I can watch-- Oh my god, I’m sorry--”
“I know it’s tempting, but listen, Yeol--nghhh--don’t. You need lube or it’s going to hurt.”
“Doesn’t saliva work?” Chanyeol asked, licking his lips. “I heard it works.”
“Not as well as you probably think it does.” Baekhyun jerked up when he felt Chanyeol try to wriggle in his middle. “Okay, that’s enough. You can’t play with it all day.”
“I want to,” the athlete groaned.
“I know you do, but anymore of this and other things might happen.” Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun made the first move and grasped one of the male’s hands, pulling it from the heat of his shorts. “And I doubt you have condoms and lube lying around here.”
Muttering under his breath, Chanyeol nodded and reluctantly pulled his other hand out. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”
Baekhyun laughed. “Do you know how to use either of those things?” he teased.
“No, but I know how it all ends,” Chanyeol retorted. “It ends with me settled nicely in that tiny thing I was just touching.”
“How do you think I’ll fit inside you?”
Arching his brows, Baekhyun shrugged as he sat up, legs on both side of the basketball player. Reaching behind, he pulled the shorts up at waist level again since the boy had nudged them farther and farther down in the process of toying.
“We can cross that bridge when we get there.” Seeing Chanyeol make a face made the latter smile. He brought his hands to each side of the boy’s cheek and made sure the giant was watching him. “Just to clear things up, Kyungsoo--”
“Yes, I know. Not love--”
“Deserve better, but I don’t want--”
“Anyone else...” Sighing, Baekhyun let go and leaned back, looking down at Chanyeol’s neutral expression. “Why does it sound like we’re dysfunctional...”
“We’re not… I mean, we’re finishing each other’s sentences, aren’t we? That’s a good sign.” Pinching the smaller male’s cheek, Chanyeol grinned. “Can we go back upstairs and have a nice breakfast before you have to send me off to work like a good wife?”
Baekhyun stared at him for a while, head cocked slightly to the right. Then, as if making up his mind, he gave a nod. “Sure.”