What He Wants And What Is Reality
WARNING: Pg-15 smut ish material idk
A/n: sorry for typos and bad writing
Baekhyun’s declaration of an on-coming break up didn’t faze Chanyeol much. To him, Baekhyun was both drunk and stupid--neither of those being an ideal trait to have in any situation. There wasn’t much loaded ammunition to Baekhyun’s words, therefore, Chanyeol set aside the issue, deeming it to be non-threatening.
The fact that Baekhyun had taken a “nap” left the house to be extremely quiet. Other than the television or Sehun’s tinkering in the living room, there wasn’t much around that made as much noise as Baekhyun usually made on a day to day basis. Chanyeol, free of any work and duties since that afternoon, found that he thought that silence was quite lonesome. Baekhyun may not have been the type of person to be quiet about any topic at all--especially sexual topics--but for some reason, Chanyeol began to think that hearing Baekhyun’s voice was part of the norm.
It wasn’t until dinner was served and eaten that Chanyeol decided that Baekhyun had enough sleep for one evening. Even Kyungsoo and Kai crawled out of their cave of shame to rejoin everyone else. By the time everyone had eaten, Chanyeol took it upon himself to drag Baekhyun out to eat.
Knowing that Baekhyun had locked the door, Chanyeol visited his room quickly to pull out the house’s master key behind one of his mirror cabinets in the bathroom. After he got the key, he made his way to Baekhyun’s room--a place that had been uninhabited much since they began sleeping together-- inserted the key, twisted the door knob, and expected an easy access in, but was met with a chair that Baekhyun had maneuvered to keep the door shut.
Chanyeol had to hand it Baekhyun for using his senses in making the secondary defense line. Luckily for him, luck was on his side that evening. The constant pushing and pulling of the door jolted Nugget awake from his slumber, causing the pup to thrash around and accidentally knock himself against one of the chair’s legs, causing the balance to be disrupted and the chair to come tumbling down.
For once, Chanyeol found himself grateful to the dog. Then he thanked the gods that Nugget was as clumsy and dumb as his father, something that had become useful in certain cases. As he walked across the room to the bundle that lied on the bed, Chanyeol ignored the barking and yelping dog that tried to nip at his feet the closer that he got to Baekhyun’s bed.
The dog was barking for one of two reasons. The pup was either trying to scare the tall giant away from his dad or warn his dad of the giant’s presence all together. However, Nugget’s efforts were in vain once Chanyeol began to peel away the sheets that Baekhyun had used to cover his entire body up as if he was a caterpillar in its cocoon.
It took a few seconds and one push to roll Baekhyun on his back, but eventually Chanyeol managed to slowly pull away the sheets from Baekhyun, starting from his face. With a small grin curving his lips, Chanyeol watched at Baekhyun began to slowly flutter his eyes open, awakening from the nap that turned out to be a legitimate nap after all.
Taking in the sight of Baekhyun looking as if he was totally out loop with reality, Chanyeol sat down on the bed, reached over, and gently grabbed one of Baekhyun’s cheeks. “Well, it’s about time you woke up,” he said amusingly. “Come on. Get up. You need to eat. Everyone else did already.”
Still groggy from sleep, Baekhyun mumbled what sounded like equations in Chanyeol’s ears and rolled back onto his side. With his lips quirked, Chanyeol lightly pulled him to lie on his back again. “Come on. Get out of bed,” he said, pushing a hand against Baekhyun’s body. “Your food’s waiting in the kitchen.”
When Baekhyun continued to grumble, covering his face with his hands, Chanyeol clicked his tongue and held onto Baekhyun’s wrists, revealing himself. “If you don’t want to get out of bed, I might as well just join you, then, hm?” he hummed.
Leaning forward, he tried to provoke Baekhyun by messing with his hair, but almost immediately, Baekhyun evaded, pushing his hands off. “No…”
Chanyeol blinked. “No, what?”
“I don’t want to eat,” Baekhyun said in a cracking voice. “I want you to go away…”
“We can’t have that,” Chanyeol said. “You have to eat.”
“I said I don’t want to eat,” Baekhyun angrily snapped, turning over, pushing his face against the mattress. When he felt Chanyeol touch his shoulder, he shrugged it off. “Get out .”
Frowning, Chanyeol pulled the rest of the sheets off Baekhyun and tossed it on the floor, leaving it for Nugget to play with. Trying again, he fought a struggling Baekhyun just to get the smaller male flat on his back again. “Well, aren’t you a little grumpy?” Chanyeol said, trying to lighten the situation. “Maybe you do need to go back to sleep.”
Glaring up at Chanyeol’s face, Baekhyun bit his lips hard before snapping again. “At least I’m not a liar,” he spat, surprising Chanyeol. “And because you’re such a liar, maybe we should reevaluate this relationship that we have.”
Suddenly, Chanyeol was pushed off as Baekhyun sat up. “Let’s start now,” he said with a deadpan look. A feeling inside Chanyeol’s gut was screaming at him that something was beyond off. “First of all, hi, my name’s Baekhyun. You are Mr. Park Chanyeol. I’m the maid on duty every day for twenty-four hours including weekends.”
At this point, Chanyeol was beginning to question what the hell happened to Baekhyun in his sleep. By the way that he was talking, it seemed as though Baekhyun had some sort of brain damage. Going along with it, Chanyeol nodded. “Okay…”
“Mr. Park Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said with a hint of bitterness that Chanyeol caught, “you are my boss. I get paid the same amount of money as the cook, the assistant cook, and the gardener. They don’t even do half the shit I do, but we’re all paid equally. But you know, I guess they don’t have the perks that I do. I get your credit card, I get a pet, and I get you to fuck with whenever I want to.”
Jaw dropped, Chanyeol didn’t know what to say. He knew something was wrong. Baekhyun had come home screaming about break ups, and here he was, immediately angry after his sleep, cursing at him with words that dripped with vulgarity and bitterness.
“I have all the fucking perks, don’t I?” Baekhyun asked, suddenly sounding sadder. “I have all the perks that would make me want to stay with you? Here? You’ve given me everything that a normal person would never give to a house maid, Chanyeol. What kind of man just hands his maid a credit card for anything they want, for the love of god?”
“I gave you that card because--”
“And why haven’t you fired me?” Baekhyun prodded. “I left you out in the sun to burn for hours. I’ve defied you countless times. I have hit you, screamed at you, and slammed the door in your face on more than one occasion. I brought a dog into your home and I made you hire my friend!”
With his lips slightly shaking, Baekhyun looked down momentarily as he shook his head before looking back at Chanyeol. “Why wasn’t I fired?” he asked quietly. “Why didn’t you let me go? I was a bad maid to begin with. You should’ve fired me a long time ago, but you didn’t. Why?” Baekhyun waited. “Why’d you keep me around?”
Chanyeol knew Baekhyun was expecting an answer, but he found that he couldn’t. He didn’t know if Baekhyun would understand since everything required a full explanation. Thinning his lips, he grimaced. “I kept you around because I--”
“And don’t give me an excuse,” Baekhyun said, practically begging in his voice. “Don’t tell me you did it because you liked me, because I know you didn’t. Not in the beginning, you didn’t. Not then and maybe not even now--”
“What?” Chanyeol’s voice cut Baekhyun off sharply.
Unrelenting, Baekhyun kept his eyes forcibly glued to Chanyeol’s. “I said you might even like me now,” Baekhyun snapped. “Did your fat ears not hear me, Mr. Park Chanyeol--”
“What the hell has gotten into you!?” Chanyeol said, finally fed up.
“I just want to know why!” Baekhyun yelled. Standing up, he left the bedside and picked Nugget up from the floor, calming the pup that had become so anxious over the bitter tension. “Tell me why you wanted me to stay so badly,” he begged. “Just tell me...”
Looking worried, Chanyeol stood up as well, towering over the shorter. “What happened while you were sleeping?” he asked. “Did you have a dream or something?”
Baekhyun’s eyes flared at the fact that Chanyeol was avoiding to answer the question at all. “No, I didn’t,” he said. “Why can’t you just answer me? Why haven’t I been fired? Why do I get perks? Why…Why are you with me?” Looking away, Baekhyun gave a small laugh. “Are you part of the package, too? Because you knew that if I loved you, I’d never leave or runaway?”
The truth was burning in his throat for release, but Chanyeol bit everything down. It wasn’t the time to say anything just yet. To him, Baekhyun was hysterical and not in the right state of mind to comprehend anything fully.
Chanyeol had no idea what the hell went on during the simple grocery trip that Baekhyun took with Kris, but he was sure that something had gone so twisted that it rendered Baekhyun in the state that he was in at the moment.
With his jaws tightened, Chanyeol gave Baekhyun a look for regret. “I can’t.”
Baekhyun blinked. “What?”
“I can’t tell you,” Chanyeol confessed, scared of the look he got from Baekhyun. “Not now. Not in this state--”
“Then I want to go home…” Baekhyun said in the lowest voice that Chanyeol had ever heard the smaller use. “I want to quit, I want to resign, and I want to break up…Mr. Park, I want to get away from you.”
They stood facing each other for a minute before Baekhyun conceded to the urge to leave first. Catching him by the hand, Chanyeol pulled him back, keeping both of them in the room.
“What’s bringing this on?”
Baekhyun flinched at grip of Chanyeol’s hand. “Mr. Park--”
“It’s Chanyeol to you, Baekhyun.” Letting go of Baekhyun’s hand, Chanyeol laid his eyes on Nugget and took the dog from Baekhyun’s arms.
As he walked quickly to the door, he paid no mind to Baekhyun’s yelling and screaming for the dog’s return. After he set the dog out in the hallway and made sure to lock the door, Chanyeol turned around to deal with Baekhyun, who had begun hitting on him with his fists. And though it didn’t hurt Chanyeol physically, it did do damage seeing Baekhyun so angry at him.
“You’re horrible!” the smaller cried as he pounded against Chanyeol’s chest. “God, I hate you…for everything…”
Chanyeol kept silent, allowing Baekhyun to attack him, but eventually, Baekhyun’s hits became weaker and weaker just as his voice was beginning to break.
“Who am i kidding? I love you so much…I’ve told you so many times,” Baekhyun weakly said as kept his head down, averting his eyes from the giant. “I thought you were my happy ending, Yeol. I want you to be, but it’s impossible, isn’t it? Because none of this is actually real at all?”
“What’re you talking about--”
“Stop it!” Baekhyun cut as he stepped back. Silently, Chanyeol watched as Baekhyun distanced himself, refusing to meet his eyes. “You can drop the act, Park! You can stop, because I already know!”
With his breathing uneven, Baekhyun shook his head, covering his face with his forearm, leaving Chanyeol to assume that the small male in front of him was beginning to cry. Oddly enough, he felt helpless. He didn’t know what to do, because of the fact that Baekhyun wasn’t allowing him to touch him in any way. Instead, he just listened.
“Were you enjoying yourself? Laughing at me behind my back? ‘Oh, look, Baekhyun’s cleaning the bathroom. He’s washing the laundry. He’s making the beds. He’s willingly spreading his legs for me!’”
Suddenly, Chanyeol took Baekhyun by the front of his shirt and dragged him over to the bed, tossing him on the mattress. “Shut up,” Chanyeol demanded. “You’re fucking hysterical right now. I thought we were over this. I thought we already discussed this little insecurity of yours!”
Baekhyun stopped struggling, giving Chanyeol a look of disbelief. “You think this is because I’m insecure? About us?”
“Yes!” Chanyeol said adamantly, though he knew it was something more. “You’re talking about perks that you get and you’re questioning whether or not we’re even real. I’ve had you enough times in my bed to tell you that, yes, this thing between us? It’s fucking real--”
“Oh my god--”
“So if we really have to go through this again then--”
“Stop!” Baekhyun cried, squirming under Chanyeol’s hold. His eyes glistened, wet from what threatened to stream down his face. “Just stop. You’re trying to distract me. This isn’t about my insecurities, so quit trying to make it seem like it is!”
“Then what the hell is this about!?” Chanyeol
“It’s about you being my fiancé, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun screamed.
Once he said it, he felt a bleeding in his heart, having said the truth out himself. Desperately, he wanted Chanyeol to confess it himself, but after everything, Baekhyun realized that Chanyeol was never going to; he was never going to say the truth in front of him because of the fact that if he did, everything would fall apart. And it has.
Chanyeol’s breathing tightened as he heard the words. He questioned whether or not he heard correctly, but from the look of Baekhyun’s salty eyes, he knew that it was the reality. Baekhyun knew, and, all of a sudden, it all made sense to him.
“Did you enjoy it?” Baekhyun asked, placing a bitter smirk on his face. “Having me under you? Making me actually believe that you accepted every part of me? Did you enjoy having your competitors’ son taking you in like a slut and crying out every time you pounded into me?” Slowly, the smirk wobbled into oblivion. “Did you have fun…”
Looking down on him, Chanyeol didn’t know how to react. “Who told you?” he asked quietly.
Baekhyun turned his head to the side. “Obviously not you,” he replied softly. “It would’ve been better if I heard from you...But I guess you never wanted to tell me.”
Towering over him, Chanyeol forced Baekhyun to turn his face to meet his. “It was Kris, wasn’t it?”
“Does it matter now?” Baekhyun bitterly said. “Because it doesn’t. The only thing that matters is how you’ve been keeping this from me this entire time! And for what? So that I’d fall in love with you and go through the marriage without fighting back? You knew I didn’t want to be part of an arranged marriage so you fed me lies using the fact that I just wanted somebody…”
Shutting his eyes for a second, Baekhyun bit his lips as he furiously wiped his face. “You should’ve told me that you knew…” he said unevenly. “You should’ve told me, because now I feel like an idiot. I left myself vulnerable to you. I told you my past, I opened up to you, and I loved you with everything that I had… but you were just using that, weren’t you?”
“What exactly did Kris tell you?”
“Everything,” Baekhyun laughed. “He told me everything… And I’m not going to lie. When he told me, I wanted to cry--like I am now. Why? Because I love you… I wouldn’t have cared so much if I didn’t, but I do. I care because you’re honestly the only one I’ve ever loved this much before. So when I heard…that my value in your life meant a few blueprints and some money, I just… I just wanted to die.”
Baekhyun pursed his lips. “You’re always telling me that all the other guys in my life didn’t deserve me. You told me that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was… But, you know, no one has ever made me feel as badly about myself as you, Yeol…You used me and you made me feel so stupid and worthless, nobody else can compare.”
The statement hit home, forcing Chanyeol to act. He crawled on top of Baekhyun, completely looming over him. When Baekhyun tried to squirm out from under, Chanyeol caught the front of his shirt with a fist and pushed the smaller against the mattress with the hand.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” Chanyeol gritted. “You’re misinformed and you’ve assumed everything for the worst--”
“You’re Park Chanyeol, aren’t you!? From the supposed ‘Park’ family that my family’s been competitively affiliated with since forever!?”
“And you’re the fiancé I’ve been engaged to all this time?”
“And in exchange for my hand, our companies merge, my parents get money to better our family’s company for your benefit, and you take over projects and intellect under your operation, right!?”
With jaws locked tight, Chanyeol found himself cornered. “Yes, but, Baek, that’s--”
“Then I’m not misinformed!” Baekhyun cried.
“Yes, you are!” Chanyeol retorted. “You’re misinformed about us, and god damn it, that’s my main fucking concern!”
Glaring, Baekhyun’s breath hitched. “And why would it be? We’re not fucking real anyways. You don’t care. All you wanted were the things you’d get from marrying me. You don’t care about me, or anything else about me for that matter--”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Chanyeol said, dangerously close. “I do care about you--”
“Right, because you need me alive and breathing to sign everything over, right?” Baekhyun slumped his shoulders, staring up into Chanyeol’s eyes. “That’s why you kept me around all this time. You needed me to blindly love you to a point where I’d do anything for you--”
“I kept you around because I thought you were trying to stupidly infiltrate and sabotage my company as well as the deal laid out from before,” Chanyeol clarified. “If I didn’t start falling in love with you, I would’ve kicked you out the moment I realized that you had no idea who the hell I was. If I didn’t feel anything for you, then I wouldn’t have taken you countless times, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have agreed to do all of your crazy as fuck sex expenditures--Honest to god, Baekhyun, who the hell wants to be handcuffed to a coconut tree, but you?”
Shaking his head, Baekhyun refused to believe any hint of sincerity in Chanyeol’s words. “It’s just sex to you, you know. That’s all that was to you--”
Gripping Baekhyun by the chin, forcing contact, Chanyeol glared down. “You think I would’ve touched you if I didn’t care?”
Baekhyun curved his lips, giving Chanyeol a painful smile. “I lost my virginity to some guy whose face I don’t even remember. I’ve been banned from having sex in my dorm room, I’ve been put in the mall jail for having sex in the bathroom, and I've spread myself for so many people, you’d be disgusted. Chanyeol, you don’t need to care for me in order to touch me. I’m Byun Baekhyun, living proof that you can fuck someone you don’t even love, alright?”
Chanyeol cursed under his breath before leaning back and sitting on the bed. “You’re so fucking frustrating,” he gritted. “Every single time I try and prove to you that I love you, you pull out some sort of insecurity card!”
“Yes! I’m Park Chanyeol, your fucking fiancé. I’m the head CEO for the very company that competes with the Byuns,” he started. “If I marry you, I essentially get majority control of your family’s establishment and data. In truth, I benefit from this arranged marriage more than you or your family. However, don’t you dare fucking mistake me and where my feelings lie. And even if my words are unconvincing to you, then by now, you should already know how I feel by the way I love you in bed.”
Baekhyun took his chance and pushed himself up. “Stop--”
Quickly, Chanyeol took the chance. With both hands at the side of Baekhyun’s faces, he leaned forward and slanted his lips over Baekhyun’s mouth. Baekhyun fell backwards with his back up against the mattress once more as Chanyeol worked his lips.
After time and time again, Baekhyun knew that his efforts to try and push Chanyeol away were all in vain. He didn’t know what came over him, but as the seconds rolled by and as he grew tired of fighting, he gave in, giving Chanyeol access to his mouth.
Chanyeol wasn’t deaf to the whimpering that came out of Baekhyun’s lips, but he wasn’t numb either when he began to feel the smaller male respond with the slight brush of his tongue. Baekhyun’s hands were gripped tightly on the front of Chanyeol’s shirt, but Chanyeol didn’t give much care as he maneuvered himself in between Baekhyun’s legs.
Baekhyun had lapses in which he pulled his lips away when he had the chance, but the moment Chanyeol would recapture them, he’d give back in, his hold loosening with every second. The only time Chanyeol allowed for them to break apart was in between intakes of breath, but even then, Baekhyun wasn’t completely free--especially when he felt Chanyeol’s hand gradually slide under his shirt.
“You know,” Chanyeol gruffly said as the two of them were panting, “I never meant to lie to you this far into it all.” When Baekhyun began to whimper and squirm beneath him once again, he quickly reconnected their lips, casting Baekhyun back under his spell. “I should’ve told you sooner, but I was afraid you’d react like you are right now.”
“You--ahhh…” Baekhyun gasped, unhinging his hold of Chanyeol’s shirt and digging his fingers into the giant’s shoulders as he jolted when he felt Chanyeol touch him. “You still…you still--nghh--you still lied. How am I supposed to trust you now, Yeol…”
As Chanyeol moved in on his neck, Baekhyun kept his eyes warded away as he turned his head. As Chanyeol laid light kisses on his body, gently saying words of endearment in between each breath he took, Baekhyun stared at the wall, drowning out everything that Chanyeol was saying.
“If you don’t believe that I love you by words, then let me show you…”
Baekhyun opposed nothing as Chanyeol worked his way down. When he heard Chanyeol unbuckle his jeans and unzip the front, Baekhyun closed his eyes and lifted his hips, making it easier for Chanyeol to undress him. His shirt came off next, and even then, Baekhyun willingly let another article of clothing to be tossed on the floor.
Slowly, he felt Chanyeol kiss his way up his torso, stopping only to gently suck on the puckered buds, enthralling Baekhyun to arch his back and moan in shocking pleasure.
“I have loved you from the moment your laugh became the song that my heart beats to the rhythm of… Every time I see you beside me when I wake up, I thank god that by some twist of fate, you ended up here, mistake or not…”
The moment both of them undressed and Chanyeol’s naked body was pressed up against his, Baekhyun bit his lips at the feeling of complete happiness that he had. Feeling Chanyeol’s warm body against his was something that he loved. The warmth made everything feel real to Baekhyun. It was comforting and it assured him that someone in the world did love him back--or so he wished…
“Ahh…Even if you never ran away and even if we both went through with the marriage plans, I still think we would’ve ended up this way. Together. It’s just the way it will always be…”
Chanyeol’s kisses became intense. And with every stroke of his tongue, Baekhyun matched the intensity with his own. He did everything he could to fulfill his need for his lover, feeling so empty inside after everything had been done.
He could feel Chanyeol’s hard member pressed against his very own and knew that the need for each other was there. However blinded by lust Baekhyun was, he was still mentally conscious to question the purpose that they had for one other.
For himself, he knew that he wanted Chanyeol genuinely. He wanted to be loved and to be touched by the giant that he had fallen in love with. Nothing in the world matched his need to feel as if Chanyeol sincerely loved him back.
In a way, he wanted to go back to being ignorant. He wanted to go back to a time when he knew nothing of Chanyeol’s secrets--a time when Baekhyun didn’t have to question Chanyeol’s motives to “loving” him at all.
As he felt himself being prepped, Baekhyun shut his eyes and moaned with every insert of Chanyeol’s fingers.
Chanyeol kept talking softly to him. Words of endearment fell from his lips, but they fell flat when it came to reaching Baekhyun’s ears. He heard the words, but that was all he heard. To him, everything Chanyeol said was as hallow as how he felt in the moment.
“Tell me you want this right now, Baek…Or push me away…”
Baekhyun nodded, giving into the need that he had for the giant.
He gasped when he felt Chanyeol push himself ever so slightly inside. With his breath hitched, he held onto Chanyeol’s shoulders as Chanyeol panted heavily against his neck at the pressure of being buried deep inside Baekhyun’s body.
When Chanyeol began to move in a rhythmic pattern, Baekhyun gripped himself hard against Chanyeol’s body as if he was afraid to let go.
And as he whimpered beneath his lover, Baekhyun kept his eyes closed as he tried to keep their bodies together in motion. His arms were draped over Chanyeol’s shoulders and his legs were wrapped around his waist.
“I love you.”
It was those three words that finally evoked him.
As Chanyeol gathered him in his arms, slowly loving him in his own physical way, Baekhyun clung to him, thankful that Chanyeol couldn’t see how he was silently crying through it all.
“I love you…
Diligently, Chanyeol kept chanting the words like a mantra, feeling as though it was all reaching Baekhyun’s core, not knowing the sad truth that the worst part of saying those words was the part where Baekhyun couldn’t find it in himself to believe him.
It was around one in the morning when Baekhyun made his decision.
As much as he loved the man lying beside him, Baekhyun couldn’t scare away the thought that nothing was real.
He desperately wanted the fantasy of Chanyeol truly loving him for him and not for some stupid business operation to be true, but despite his efforts, he couldn’t shove away his grim feelings.
Chanyeol wasn’t his knight and his life wasn’t meant to be a story book fantasy.
Slowly, Baekhyun pried himself from Chanyeol’s arms. Under the moonlight that seeped through the window, Baekhyun couldn’t help, but hate how the serenity of Chanyeol’s face was calling for him to stay.
Tearing his eyes away, Baekhyun searched quickly for his clothes. He took what was his to begin with and left everything else behind.
Quietly leaving his room, he found Nugget sleeping in the kitchen and softly woke up the pup when he took him in his arms. Slowly, Baekhyun went to the house phone and called a cab.
After a ride was called, he turned off all the lights inside and left the house, carefully closing the door behind him. And then he waited outside for thirty minutes with Nugget on his lap before the cab came.
Getting up, Baekhyun walked across the driveway one last time before opening the door and silently slipping inside. As the car made a u-turn and began to drive away, Baekhyun gently stroke Nugget back to sleep as he settled against his seat, not bothering to give the house once last glance before he could no longer see it in his sight.